Resting and learning to rest

So, 2016 went out with a bang (or a surgery, same diff) and my 2017 started nice and slow. I literally slept for most of the first week. Pain pills and walking around the house like an old person kept me going. I hardly ate because I didn’t feel like it. When I was awake, I was depressed – depressed because I couldn’t hug my babies (like Matilda had to literally be kept away from me), I couldn’t spend time with my husband (cause I was so tired), I felt like I was failing as a mom and that I had failed myself somehow because my organ needed removed. None of this was true and Josh tried so hard to remind me of this. He did such an awesome job being a full time dad and taking care of a whiney sick wife. It was very hard on me because I hate just sitting around. It was also hard to do anything. So my body forced me to rest. I think it’s what I needed especially after Christmas. With being so busy almost everyday, maybe my body was just ready to take it easy. Funny how your body always seems to know.


We were both so relieved when I finally started feeling better on Friday, and on Saturday Oma watched the girls so Josh and I could go out for his birthday. We went down to Newport to eat at Joes Crab Shack because Josh loves seafood. The first thing that greeted us upon arrival was a firetruck. Josh pointed out this isn’t exactly the best sign at a restaurant you’re planning on eating at.


It was freezing, and the restaurant had a pipe burst. There was water flooding out of the bathrooms that a guy was trying to mop up. Thankfully, the kitchen was not affected. We had a nice quiet lunch, and Josh got him some mussels so he was a happy birthday boy.


When we got back my parents house to get the girls, Ellabelle had helped Oma bake a birthday cake for Josh. Ellabelle insisted it have strawberries on it. She then proceeded to pick off and eat every strawberry off the cake.


On Sunday, we went BW3s with my parents and Angie and Mike to celebrate Josh’s bday. The girls were awful as usual while out at a restaurant. However, they were both very happy to have a captive audience. Ellabelle ran back and forth around the table, and Mattie was unhappy because she wanted to run around too but was strapped into a high chair. Ellabelle threw a massive fit when we left because she was given a balloon by a table next to ours and she let it go almost as soon as she had it. She wanted another one and we were not about to ask the nice strangers for another so that mean the world was ending.
If you’re signed up for the Red Robin card, you get a free burger and so we went and got burgers for Josh’s birthday. We like to extend the birthdays around here. I’ve managed to stretch mine for a whole month before. Now, mind you, this was Monday. The first day back to work for me following my surgery as well as the first day of my “healthy lifestyle change.” I did not enjoy my salad for lunch and needed something fattening. Thankfully, I’ve been doing a lot better with the eating better and eating the right things when I do eat. That first day was rough though.


So, I came back to work and, while I was gone, I had received an invitation to my promotion ceremony. So I got to dress all nice and go to the Chief of Police’s staff meeting and he read a little thing about me and we took pictures and I got a certificate. It was all very exciting. Josh is jealous. He’s never been promoted so he’s never gotten to do this. He still makes more money than me so I’d rather have the cash then the certificate, but I get his point.


So I made it through my first week back fairly easily. I had a rough time with my incisions hurting, and I had to switch to yoga pants instead of work pants to help, but I pushed through. Martin Luther King Day was that next Monday. So, I took Ellabelle to see Moana in theaters. We went to one of those super fancy new theaters with the huge reclining leather chairs. She loved it and the icee and the movie.


She did super well during it. I thought she’d be a pain because this was my first movie with her and others who have taken her said she likes to talk and move around a lot, but she did great. Moana was absolutely adorable, and she loved it so much she’s getting the bluray for Valentine’s Day.
The next week ended in a down note – Donald Trump was inaugurated into the office of President. Hearing him referred to as president still makes my skin crawl every time. I’m still in denial about it, I guess. In an effort to help myself feel better about the world I’m raising two young girls in and to actually get out there and do something, I made Josh go to the local Women’s March.


He was reluctant at first, and not because he doesn’t support women’s rights. We got down there and the crowd was huge. It was amazing. Being surround by people who think like us and feel passionate about the same causes was something we needed. We live in a very conservative area and it’s so easy to feel lost and alone. Josh told me he was really glad I made him go. And we took the girls too. I wanted them to be a part of it even if they likely won’t remember it. Unfortunately, it looks it’s a fight they’ll be fighting along side me someday, but we have to start somewhere.


Ellabelle loved it because she thought she was in a parade.


After the march, I took Josh to his friends house, and he went off and had a guys night. So it was a girls night at the Hawkins House. We napped and hung out and made brownies and watched Lego Movie while we ate brownies.


We had a quiet morning the following day and then we went over to Oma and Opa’s house. Maisy had a puppy play date with her cousin Beanie. Maisy scared Beanie and chased her around the house at first, but eventually they both settled down. I don’t think they’ll be best buddies anytime soon, but at least they’ll be able to hang together in the future if necessary.

Josh and I both took our birthday holidays from work on the 27th. We literally slept all day since we were both so exhausted. We ran up to the Disney store though because I wanted to get Ellabelle’s Valentine’s Day gift because she wasn’t with us.
We all watched Big Hero 6 on the 28th. I’m not good at relaxing and sitting – especially for a movie. But I love my whole family being snuggled up on a couch. January’s was slow paced compared to December and even November. So I’m working hard on just being at home and being relaxed on weekend.


Ellabelle got her first library card. She was so excited. She picked out books for herself to check out, and she wants to go back to visit already. I’ve been trying to instill in my girls the love of reading, and so far so good.


Our month ended on a not so great note -Miss Ellabelle was sick. She had a bad cough and kept wanting to sleep on the couch which is way out of character. So Josh had to stay home with her. She’s doing better, but this crazy Ohio weather (mid-50s one day, snowing and 20s the next) is so hard on the girl’s sinuses anyways that it makes colds even worse.


My February is looking crazy on the calendar because there’s nothing planned. Sure, Valentine’s Day is in there, but my weekends are blank. I think I may be kinda happy about it. Like I said, I’m not good at doing nothing. So it’s a constant process to grow and slow down and just be. But I’m working on it. I want to be better. I want to learn to be more present. We spent most of the weekends in January at home. I was still healing, but it was nice to kinda hibernate. I love spending time with crazy girls. They keep things fun in the house even if they also keep it very loud and messy.

Gallbladders are Evil

Word to the wise – if you have “gas pains” that are behind your belly button and in your right shoulder, don’t take a gas-x and go back to sleep. It’s probably your gallbladder being a huge jackass.

I haven’t been 100% for a while, and I really didn’t know why. Well, the day after Christmas, I woke up in an immense amount of pain. I thought it was bad gas cause, well, I didn’t know what else it could. It was awful, and I had to wake Josh to help rub my back and try and calm everything down. I thought maybe it was the stomach bug that Ellabelle had had on Christmas. I managed to fall back asleep after two hours, and that was the end of it.

Until very early Saturday morning.

I woke up because Ellabelle was crying and I stumbled across the house to her room. I soothed her and went back to my own room. I started to lay back down and the pain hit. It was the same pain as on Tuesday, but this time it was worse. I couldn’t lay down. So I sat. Eventually I couldn’t sit so I stood. Then I couldn’t stand without the pain so after waking poor Josh up multiple times, we decided I needed to go to the ER. Because of the girls, I drove myself. I’m not sure how I made it there, but I did. I sat in the waiting room for what felt like an eternity because I felt like I was ripping apart from the inside before they finally took me back. Everyone I talked to seemed to agree right away that the stomach and shoulder pain meant it was my gallbladder.

FaceTiming with my big girl while in the ER

After a very painful IV start up, and thankfully a dose of morphine, I got to take a ride through a CT scanner. And the scanners don’t look like they do on tv. They look like giant donuts and you lay on a table that rotates through the hole. They also have to send a dye through your veins, and it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy and like you’re peeing your pants which I kept reminding myself not to do. Turns out, everyone was right. It was my gallbladder! It had multiple stones, was enlarged, and it was thick so it was infected. Stupid little bastard. So out it had to come.


My parents showed up and, after dropping the girls off at his dad’s, so did Josh. I was worried that he wouldn’t make it before I went back since my surgery was scheduled for 11am. They wheeled me into the pre-op area from the ER, and I got the run down of what was going to happen. I said bye to my parents and Josh, and they started wheeling me back to OR. I remember feeling really weird all of a sudden and asked if I had been given my sleeping meds. The guy wheeling back said they had. I don’t remember anything else after that except I kinda remember someone telling me to let them put my oxygen mask on. I think I was fighting against whoever was trying to cover my mouth and nose.
Next thing I know I’m back where I started in pre-op. I’m pretty sure I annoyed the male nurse because I just kept asking, “Where’s Josh?” He told me we’d wait til I woke up a bit more and I dozed in and out for about 20 mins. Well, there was a clock on the wall and my brain seems to remember it only being 20 mins but who knows if my drugged up brain is right. I asked for Josh again (I have no idea how many times I actually asked him. I only remember 3) and I know I irritated him because the female nurse suddenly started taking care of me instead.

Now let me clarify something, this whole thing was a long process. It seems short here in writing, but there was a lot of waiting. I was in the ER from 5:30am-10:30am and then we waited 30 mins for the OR and then the surgery took like 3.5hrs and then I had to wake up. Luckily for me, I was drugged for part of this.


Finally, they let my people come back to see me. The male nurse came out into the lobby and asked who Josh was. I’m telling you, I seriously irritated him with my incessant asking.

They feed me ice chips and then Josh had to feed me water and graham crackers. They explained after care and that was it. Josh dressed me (since I was “surgically naked” which I was very worried about for some reason) and I got wheeled to my mom’s car and she took me home. My dad drove one of our cars and Josh drove the other. My mom was nice enough to stop and get me a milk shake since, luckily, you starting eating normally right away.

I slept for like the next week. I missed the new year arriving. I hardly saw the girls because they like to jump and hug and snuggle which is very problematic when you have four incisions on your belly. The stupid cats kept trying to sleep on me. That wasn’t very fun. My 2017 didn’t start until like January 6th. I missed the first 6 days of the year. I missed the first snow of the year. I missed my life. My gallbladder robbed me of time! They are evil.


I went back to work after a week which was hard, but I’m on week 2 and going strong. I feel almost back to normal. In fact, I actually feel better now then I did before. Pesky gallbladder was messing everything up apparently. I’m just glad it’s over and out and I can move on.


Bye Felicia.