Anxious Mommy Math

I do my best thinking at night when I’m trying to fall asleep. I swear I’ll remember it all when I wake up, but I never do. I’ve lost many a great plot ideas for the book I’m probably never gonna write this way. But tonight, I’m writing things down. Why? you may ask. Well, it’s a battle of wits here this evening. See I don’t have the luxury of being a daddy so that means if the baby’s up so am I. And tonight she is refusing to sleep. Not sure what her beef is. But anyways. Using her sleep boycott to write. 20140204-230923.jpg

So now I get a chance to write and I’ve got nothing. Of course. Let us see. Well it’s my last week home with my kid. I’ve been home with her everyday since she was born and now I’m off to a regular job with regular hours. That means 10 hours away from my precious Baby Bee a day. And of course I’ve figured it all out into hours and traumatized myself into panic over my lack of baby time and the possibility of being an awful mother because I’m going to work instead of being with her. Anyways, here’s my crazy, anxious-about-leaving-my-baby break down:

With commute I’ll be away from Ellabelle for 10 hours a day

She sleeps for 12 hours a night (or usually does anyways)

There’s 24 hours a day so 168 hours a week

She sleeps 84 hours a week (lucky) and we are away from her for a total of 50 hours a week

So 84 + 50 = 134 hours away from her and 168 – 134 = 34.

Thirty freakin four.

That’s it. 34 hours a week. Barely over a day I get with my kid every week. I’m not happy about this.

I would like to win the lottery right about now so I can just stay home and hang with her while still being able to send her to good schools someday. But I don’t play the lottery. I’m too broke. And I don’t get to stay home with her anymore. I’ve been so lucky to get to spend the first 18 months with her. I had to sacrifice nights with her for a while, but I got every single day. Every single morning. Every single morning smile. Now I’ll get grumpy face cause she’s not going to be able to sleep until 10 or 11 anymore, and she’s gonna be a sourpuss about it, I just know it.

So anyways. This is our last week together, hopefully, ever. I will hopefully never find myself unemployed again even if it breaks my heart. So I’m trying to put down the laptop and trying to enjoy every little second I get with her. She ran around with a bucket on her head today. She’s become such a little person. I wish I could make it stop. I miss my tiny baby. I love this fun lively toddler. I’m sure it’ll be gone too soon as well.

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Love/Hate with Fall

I really dislike fall. I hate that the warm breezes of late summer switch over to cold winds. I hate that I have to start wearing shoe instead of the flip flops I lived in all summer. I hate that the heat has to be turned on. I hate that I freeze on my hands and feet and sweat every where else. I hate that there are leaves all over my yard and that I have to listen to my husband complain about the no leaves in the yard rule where we live. And, most of all, I hate pumpkin. I hate the smell and the taste and what seems to be everyones love affair with it.

But I don’t hate fall. Like I said, I just really dislike it.

And why just the dislike when there’s so much to hate?

This is why: IMG_3113

Oh, and colorful leaves on trees IMG_2520

And leaves in piles to play inIMG_3226

The breast cancer walk and the boobie hat’s one time a year appearanceIMG_0894

Pumpkin patches complete with corn mazes and hay rides. It was freezing this year, but she loved it. IMG_2440 IMG_2450 IMG_2465

Pumpkins because, even though I hate the taste and smell, I still love picking one out and carving them…IMG_2266 even if someone else doesn’t. IMG_2272

Halloween IMG_2754 IMG_2695

x3 this year. We went to her babysitters halloween party, Ikea trick or treating, and regular trick or treating. It rained bad this year so we got to go to two houses before she was wet. Fotor1202101531So she spent Halloween in the warm house clad in a diaper watching The Lorax and drinking a sippy. She was much happier that way. IMG_2733Oh, and she’s in love with lollipops

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Ugg boots IMG_3328

Bengals football (some of us just aren’t into the games) IMG_3643

ThanksgivingIMG_4160My little turkey was precious in her outfit I made her.

Scotlynn and Ellabelle - 2nd cousins about 6 weeks apart
Scotlynn and Ellabelle – 2nd cousins about 6 weeks apart

She loved crawling around and exploring and actually interacted with some of the other kids a little bit.

And the best part of fall? It becomes winter (another love hate relationship there) which leads to Christmas. 

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Happy beginning of December, everyone!

Thirsty Thursday

I think most 20 something’s in this country knows what thirsty Thursday is. And, if we’re being honest, it’s just an excuse to drink in the sorta middle of the work week (as if a reason was really needed). I have never participated in a bar scene involved with thirsty Thursday. I don’t like crowds for one thing. And I don’t really drink.20130815-231717.jpg

But, I realized that “thirsty” Thursday can be expanded to encompass something much different than liquor and the general mayhem of intoxication. It can also be a way of looking at the day in general. Thursday is merely a day of yearning for the weekend. It’s just another day that stands in the way of freedom from work and responsibility. It leaves us yearning, leaves us thirsty for Friday. Like what I did there? I turned a drinking party into something more. I’m that good and that lame all at the same time.

Anyways, yes! Thursday leaves us all thirsty for the weekend. And I for one am dying of thirst after the week I’ve had. There’s been nothing too major going on (::knock on wood::) but with working an extra hour every work day last week and this week it’s been tough. EBs schedule has been off so I see her for 2 hours a day – from when she gets up to when she takes nap. Half of that time is usually spent eating breakfast cause she’s a slow eater still.

20130815-231852.jpgAfter her nap, it’s in the car and out the door to babysitters and work. Frankly, I miss my kid.

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I miss hanging out with this guy too.

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I totally understand what he means now when he says that he feels like all he does is rent a room. I miss hanging out after work and cooking dinner together and simply sitting together while we watch Ellabelle play. I’m thirsty for time with my family.

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And this weekend is going to be a good one. I can tell. We’re going to watch our nephew Trent play football on Saturday morning and taking Ellabelle to her first festival Saturday night. I’m thirsty for fun. Oh and sleep. Throw some sleep in there too.