Like many of our days have been lately, Sunday was hard. The girls didn’t listen. They refused to eat the breakfast they requested. They whined about having to be in a cart at the store. They refused to hold our hands in busy parking lots. The dresses I got for us – the beautiful matching dresses I had so looked forward to all of us wearing – were too heavy and had long sleeves so we all baked in the sun. Ellabelle had another colossal breakdown and tantrum. They didn’t want to nap. Mattie had a meltdown and tantrum after nap. It hit 90 degrees in our house even with all our windows open and our fans going. Ellabelle is still dealing with her sinus infection and fought us when it came to taking care of her eyes and nose. She also has a heat rash and cries whenever we try to treat it. Mattie refused to go to bed at bedtime. I finally broke down because it was not the Mother’s Day I had envisioned.
Happy pictures before the chaos started:
But here we are – a new week, a few days out.
I told Josh Sunday night while falling to pieces, “This just isn’t what I thought Mother’s Day would be like.”
And he said, “Well, this is what every day’s like.”
Mothering is hard. I thought if you made it through the sleepless nights the rest would be a breeze (I love sleep so not getting hardly any seemed like the end of the world). Actually, it’s only gotten harder. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I didn’t think any of this parenting stuff would be a walk in the park. It’s just become increasingly harder especially in the last two weeks.
Every day there is something hard. There’s also something good that comes along with it. I spend so much time focusing on what was hard and how to fix it or make it better that sometimes it swallows me whole.
Like Sunday, my girls were ecstatic to give me my presents. Ellabelle picked out pink gum for me because she knows it’s my favorite. Mattie got me a Captain America action figure, and kept saying “Thank you, mommy” when I let her play with it. The girls were good at breakfast (besides not eating).They didn’t make any over the top noises inside the restaurant. They actually played together at my grandma’s house. Ellabelle snuggled with me after naps. They didn’t spill their popsicles all over everything. They willingly took baths. They couldn’t go to bed until they gave me hugs and kisses. Ellabelle didn’t want me to leave at bedtime because she missed me while I was gone.
I am so loved by these little girls. I am also going to be completely gray in two years because of them. They are my world, and I sometimes lose sight of that because the mole hills look like mountains. If Mother’s Day was anything, it was a reminder that I need to see the good through the bad. Motherhood isn’t going to get any easier. The problems are only going to get bigger and harder. I just need to soak in my little humans and their little problems and the snuggles and hugs and kisses and clinginess while it’s still around.