I wanted to write some mushy gushy Valentine’s Day post on Wednesday. It would’ve included the story of St. Valentine and how much I love my husband and kids and that one day on the calendar dedicated expressly to love.
It didn’t happen though. Obviously based on the date of this post.
I have my reasons.
First: I had a debilitating migraine that started Monday and was full blown by Tuesday. I slept literally all day. So, when I can back to work on Wednesday, I had to work double time to get caught up.
Second: I was in a bad mood. Not sure why even now after the fact. Josh called me a “grumpass” more than once that day.
Third: my kids are assholes. God, I love them. I’d walk through fire for them. I’d stare down the barrel of a gun. So with that kind of love so deeply ingrained in my heart, I can safely tell you that they are assholes. They acted like they had been at the grandparents all day! This behavior was neither expected nor mentally prepared for since it was a freakin Wednesday.
They didn’t listen. They wouldn’t stop yelling and fighting with one another. They kept stepping on toys they were told to pick up and crying. They didn’t appreciate my pink heart shaped pancakes. They both literally shoved all 4 pancakes in their mouths at once and then had the audacity to ask, mouths full and crumbs falling out, “Can I have candy now?”
They got “Trolls” as one of their gifts. So, we put it in, and Josh and I hid til it was bedtime. Like freezing and watching if they came into eyesight, praying they wouldn’t come bother us, and relaxing when they’d start dancing again.
There were no dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant.
No flowers. No chocolates. No jewelry.
And I didn’t care. Because this is our life right now. Sure, maybe some people can have it all with young kids, but we aren’t those people. And, honestly, that’s ok. Because as frustrating and as hard as this time of our life is, we won’t ever get it back. I will be that old lady who gets teary eyes and nostalgic on Valentine’s Day for scribbled hearts and messy hands. My babies are hardly babies anymore. I have to constantly remind myself to enjoy this time, to relish in the complete dependency they have on me. I get to be their mommy. I get to be the sun in the middle of their solar system, but only for a short time more. I get to be the one they fight over who gets to be my valentine. And, that’s the greatest valentine day gift ever.
Granted, on Wednesday, I would have had a much different story to tell you with a lot more curse words thrown in. Still failing to appreciate them miserably one day leads to triumph the next cause on Thursday I sat on the floor and watched Mattie play with her new valentines toys and watched Ellabelle play the sims and enjoyed my girls.
Every day with them is a day full of love.