I say it every time I get around to posting something, and, I honestly mean it, I am going to get better at posting things when they happen. Today and in the foreseeable future is not the time though. I hope someday I’ll look back on this time in our lives, and think, “Look at us. We survived that. How far we have come!” Someday. For now, most days I feel like our lives are crumbling and falling apart. We have gone further down than rock bottom. It seems like more and more keeps piling on as we keep falling deeper and deeper. On top of our current issues, our air conditioner stopped working. Our car is in desperate need of brakes. My student loans are ready to start being paid. There always seems to be more and more, and, if you’ve ever watched a really one sided boxing match you know, there’s only so many hits a person can take to the face before they hit the mat for good. Life is Muhammad Ali right now. We are bruised and bloody and doing that swaying thing you do before you fall. And, frankly, it sucks.
We work very hard to make sure the girls have no idea that anything is going on and try not to take the stress of “grown-up” things out on them. The important thing is they are fed and have a home and spoiled beyond belief in the toy and clothes department. They lack for nothing and that’s all that matters at the end of the day. Still, we want better for them and we want more for them then what we have right now. Living paycheck to paycheck is exhausting and frustrating and tear inducing. It’s especially hard when I stop and look at how much money we’re actually making. There is no reason we should be struggling. Josh and I have made some mistakes, and we’re working really hard to fix them. It’s certainly not easy, and it’s the biggest pain in the butt, but we’re going to get over this speed bump. Most days though it feels like I’m standing at the base of a mountain. 5 years from now, in the rear view mirror, it will look like a speed bump. Today and for the next few weeks, it is definitely Everest before me, and not a yellow pile of cement.
And after that metaphor filled rant on our current situation, back to our regularly scheduled update.
So, we last left off with Fathers Day. Since then we’ve been super busy. July was filled with birthdays:
We also celebrated Alex’s and Opa’s birthdays.
There’s also the 4th
We are well into August now, and, like I said, we’re suffering a little. But there are some good things floating around. Ellabelle has soccer practice twice a week. As much as it stresses us out trying to get from downtown to two babysitters and off to the field, she loves it. Plus she’s adorable when she plays. Mattie’s standing up randomly and taking 2 steps at a time. She’ll be walking so very very soon. Now that Ellabelle’s birthday has past, I’m itching for fall. I want cool air and pumpkins and hayrides and trick or treating. My birthday is coming up, and I planned something amazing so I’m hoping to avoid the usual birthday blues I get.
Also, I just want to say how thankful I am for this guy.
He is the greatest, and he certainly doesn’t give himself enough credit. He keeps me grounded yet still pushes me to fly. He puts up with my crazy moods, my crippling anxiety, and my controlling OCD. He’s done everything he can to try and help me while I’ve been dealing health issues. He is the sun to my moon, and I’m so glad he’s the one holding my hand as we take on the shitstorm that is life.