Letting go

A year ago I was going through what will probably be the most painful experiences of my life. Granted, I don’t remember much of it, but thats probably biology’s way of helping me want to have more kids and go through it all again. As happy as I was to finally be free of the heavy pains of pregnancy and met the little womb monster who had been kicking me for months, I was also scared and sad. I was no longer going to be able to protect my baby and be the only one lucky enough to know her and her little personality. I had to let go of pregnancy and become a mommy.

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And yesterday, I had to let go once again. Its been a year full of so many changes, and I was afraid of the big one coming on the 22nd: my baby would move from “baby” to “toddler”. It was a scary thought for me. She’s growing up so fast and I feel like all I did was blink and suddenly I was staring ONE right in the face. It wasn’t as scary I thought it would be. In fact, it felt just like any other Monday.

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On Sunday, we celebrated as a family because of working different schedules. We took Ellabelle to the Newport Aquarium. She loved seeing all the fishes.

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I had to wear her because it was a no stroller day at the aquarium. Josh kept asking if I was ok carrying her. I found it ironic since 1 year before I carrying her and an 10 more pounds on my front. I spent her birthday with her on my belly making my shoulders hurt and my back and feet ache. It was like coming full circle in some weird way.

She got to go Toys R Us for her birthday balloon and crown. She got a cupcake all for herself. She got spoiled with a castle, princesses to go in it, and lots of plastic balls to play with. Oh, and my baby got a new baby (baby Ariel) for her birthday too.

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So letting go of her “babyhood” wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I wasn’t weepy about it like I thought I’d be. And I don’t feel baby fever setting in either like I thought it might. I’m perfectly happy with my little family of 3. Ellabelle completed us and made us whole (for now). But most importantly, she helped me let go of being just a person. She made me a mom. She completed me.

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