Part of my bucket list for this year is to write something at least once a week. Writing is something that is important to me, and I want to start making more time for it. I’ve been slacking off majorly in this department since Ellabelle has made her arrival. That being the case, here’s a post I wrote on January 1st around 6am while everyone else was asleep. I haven’t changed it to reflect that it’s being posted 6 days later so just sit back and enjoy New Years Day for just another brief moment:
It’s the first day of 2013. I am up early because, well, I can’t sleep. I’m sitting in the living room, under a lit Christmas tree. My computer screen and the tree’s multicolor strings are my only source of light. Jericho is currently occupying the chair next to me. I feel the need to chronicle all of this because I feel like I’m on the verge of something.
2012 was a rough year for the Hawkins family and, even more so, just for me. It was what people like to call “a learning experience”. And, not to sound cliche, but if Josh and I could make it through this, then we really can make it through anything.
January started with me being so sick from morning sickness. I couldn’t keep anything down. All I did was sleep and vomit. I lost 20 pounds before it was all over. It was a sign of things to come. Work became a living hell for me. Josh was constantly telling me he was going to go down there and beat the crap out of people. I was mistreated because of my pregnancy. It was added (unnecessary) stress on top of my apparently fragile health.
I developed an inner and outer ear infection in May. I couldn’t drive or even walk to the living room due to the dizziness it caused. I was put on some sort of pregnancy safe antibiotics which were not strong enough to cure it. I had this until I had the baby at the end of July.
July 21st we headed to my 39 week doctors appointment. My blood pressure had risen. They started to induce me around noon. My water broke around 4am and by 7am they knew something was wrong. My doctor arrived at 8:30, and sent my straight to the operating room. Ellabelle wasn’t getting enough oxygen, and my blood had turned toxic. At 9:12am, July 22nd, my life changed forever. I don’t remember much of that day or really the next day either, but my daughter was here and that’s all that mattered. A healthy 7lbs 1oz baby girl came into this world with the cord wrapped around her neck and not a single cry in her lungs (she’s making up for lost time now).
August was hard on all of us. Ellabelle, being a newborn, didn’t allow for much sleep around here. I was still so sick (my blood pressure may never go back to normal) so Josh to help more than I think he expected. He kept himself doped up on caffeine pills and energy drinks which scared me half to death. Ellabelle’s sleep didn’t get much better through September, but I finally started to feel like my old self.
October was the worst month in history for us. I had left my job at the end of September when my maternity leave had ended. We couldn’t find anyone to watch Ellabelle at a price we could afford, and it made the most sense for us to have me stay home with her. So money became very tight which always puts a strain on relationships. And then we realized Jericho had lost so much weight and rushed him to the vet. They thought he may have had an obstruction in his stomach and had to keep him overnight. Luckily, his stomach was just filled with what was basically one giant hairball he couldn’t pass. He was given meds, and he has since started to gain some weight back. Then, I had to go off my antidepressant meds, cold turkey, for 3 days while I switched over to new meds. To put it lightly, I did not handle being med free very well especially since I was suffering from postpartum depression on top of my regular depression. My mom and dad came home from Myrtle Beach early, my Aunt Sandi and sister came over to watch me, and I had to be babysat for those 3 days. It was awful to feel like a prisoner of my own body. Luckily, the new meds work amazingly, and I (and the rest of us) will hopefully never have to experience any of that again. Then, Maisy got sick. She ate something she wasn’t suppose to and spent 4 days locked up, day and night, in her crate. She had to go to the vet as well and be given meds.
The end of October was a turn around for us. Ellabelle and I dressed up as bumblebees for her first Halloween. We had her first Thanksgiving, St. Nick came to visit her, and her first Christmas. She started sleeping through the night, in her own room. Jericho has gained weight. Maisy isn’t having accidents in the house anymore.
Most of this year sucked, but it is was it is. That’s why I felt in necessary to write it all down. I can leave it behind now. We can move on to a better year. We’re on the verge of sunshine and happiness and magical dancing unicorns. Okay, maybe not, but we are starting things off with a pinch of optimism. We’re starting a budget. I’m still looking for a job. Ellabelle’s getting close to crawling. This is year is going to be full of so many new things for us. It is a fresh start. I feel like after such a crappy year, this year has to be better – it’s going to be better. We start new today, and I realize that we could’ve started new any day and that waiting until January 1st is, again, cliche, but there’s something so revitalizing by that 1/1 on the calendar. It’s makes you feel like you’ve got a shot to do something fresh and new too.
So, here’s to 2013 – let there be more sunshine and happiness and less medical bills!